Thriving Through the Holidays: Tips for Parents of Autistic and ADHD Children

The holiday season, including Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s, offers opportunities for joy and connection, but can be overwhelming for neurodivergent children. Sensory challenges, changes in routine, and social expectations can make these festivities stressful. As a parent, your support and understanding can help your autistic or ADHD child feel more comfortable and engaged. By adapting traditions and focusing on their unique needs, you can create a holiday experience that is both meaningful and manageable. Here’s how to help your autistic or ADHD child thrive during the holidays while honoring their unique needs.

Navigating Holiday Challenges for Autistic Children and ADHD Children

For autistic and ADHD children, the holidays can significantly disrupt their sense of stability, creating unique challenges. Bright lights, loud music, crowded gatherings, and strong smells common to holiday events can easily lead to sensory overwhelm, leaving children feeling distressed or withdrawn. For some, even holiday decorations can feel overstimulating. Recognizing these triggers allows you to create a more sensory-friendly environment, such as dimming lights, playing soothing music, or offering noise-canceling headphones.

Changes to routines can also cause stress. Shifting schedules, unfamiliar environments, and unexpected demands during the holidays can increase anxiety or dysregulation in autistic children. They may need extra preparation for transitions, such as a visual schedule or a quiet explanation of what to expect before each event. For ADHD children, the lack of structure and long, unstructured gatherings might make it hard for them to sit still or manage their energy. Provide opportunities for movement, such as breaks during meals or a designated space where they can fidget or play.

Social expectations also present challenges. Autistic children may struggle to navigate unspoken social rules during family events, while ADHD children might find it hard to wait their turn during gift exchanges or remain calm in high-energy situations. Prepare your child by role-playing social scenarios or giving them scripts they can use. Let them know it’s okay to take a break from socializing if needed.

Ultimately, recognizing these challenges and validating your child’s experiences is the first step toward supporting them. Small accommodations and flexible expectations can make the holidays feel more manageable and enjoyable for everyone involved.

Tips for a Neurodiversity-Affirming Holiday for Autistic and ADHD Children

  1. Create a Predictable Plan
    Discuss the day’s schedule in advance, including who will be present and what activities will take place. Use visuals or written lists to help younger children or those who benefit from structure.

  2. Set Realistic Expectations
    Your child doesn’t need to hug relatives, sit through every activity, or participate in traditions that make them uncomfortable. Prioritize their comfort and emotional well-being.

  3. Provide Sensory Tools
    Bring noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, or comfort items like fidgets or weighted blankets. Create a sensory-friendly space where your child can retreat if things get overwhelming.

  4. Plan for Downtime
    Build in breaks before, during, and after events. Quiet time to recharge can help your child manage overstimulation and return to activities when they’re ready.

  5. Empower Them to Self-Advocate
    Teach your child simple ways to express their needs, such as saying, “I need a break” or “This is too loud.” Encourage their autonomy in managing sensory or social stress.

  6. Adapt Food Expectations
    Many neurodivergent children have food sensitivities or preferences. Bring familiar foods or allow them to eat only what they’re comfortable with, especially if they experience ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).

  7. Be Flexible with Traditions
    Consider modifying or skipping traditions that feel overwhelming. Instead, create new traditions that honor your child’s interests and preferences.

Supporting Autistic and ADHD Children in Social Holiday Gatherings

Holidays often involve large family gatherings, which can be overwhelming for neurodivergent children due to unspoken social rules and unfamiliar expectations. To help your child prepare, role-play potential scenarios, such as greeting relatives, saying “thank you” for gifts, or responding to common questions. You can provide scripts or phrases they can use, offering reassurance about what’s expected and encouraging them to express their needs if they feel uncomfortable.

Respect your child’s social boundaries. If they prefer to stay on the sidelines, play independently, or interact one-on-one, allow them the freedom to choose. Forcing them into group interactions can heighten anxiety or lead to sensory overwhelm. Instead, create an environment where they feel safe and supported to engage at their own pace.

Proactively communicate your child’s needs to family and friends before gatherings. Let others know how they can help, such as by avoiding overly enthusiastic greetings, allowing extra time for your child to warm up, or not pressuring them to participate in group activities. Providing this context helps others understand and respect your child’s boundaries.

Additionally, set up a "safe space" during gatherings—a quiet room or designated area where your child can retreat if they feel overwhelmed. Equip it with familiar comfort items like headphones, a favorite toy, or a sensory tool. Encouraging self-advocacy and creating predictable routines during gatherings can empower your child to feel more confident and secure in social settings.

Parent Self-Care Strategies During the Holiday Season

Supporting your neurodivergent child through the holidays can feel overwhelming. Balancing their needs with seasonal demands often leaves little room for your own well-being, but prioritizing self-care is vital—not just for you but for your child too. A calm and regulated parent provides a sense of safety and stability, helping your child thrive.

To care for yourself during this busy time:

  1. Set Boundaries
    Be realistic about what you can manage. It’s okay to say no to extra events or tasks that will drain your energy. Prioritize activities that bring joy or meaning to your family and let go of the rest.

  2. Lean on Your Support System
    Don’t hesitate to ask for help from friends, family, or your partner. Whether it’s watching the kids for an afternoon or sharing the workload, leaning on others can ease the pressure.

  3. Carve Out Quiet Moments
    Take time for simple activities that recharge you—whether that’s drinking coffee in peace, reading, or taking a short walk. Even small breaks can make a big difference.

  4. Practice Emotional Regulation
    Stress is inevitable during the holidays, but grounding techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or journaling can help you manage it.

  5. Remember Your Needs Are Valid
    Let go of guilt around prioritizing yourself. Your well-being directly impacts your ability to support your child, and investing in yourself is part of being the parent they need.

  6. Seek Professional Support if Needed
    If holiday stress feels unmanageable, consider reaching out to a therapist or coach who understands the unique challenges of parenting neurodivergent children. They can offer guidance tailored to your family’s needs.

By taking small steps to care for yourself, you’ll be better equipped to handle holiday demands and create a supportive environment for your child.

Creating an Inclusive and Neurodiversity-Affirming Holiday Experience for Autistic and ADHD Children

The holidays don’t need to mirror a postcard-perfect image to be meaningful. True joy comes from creating experiences that reflect your child’s individuality and unique strengths. By honoring their needs and adapting traditions to align with what feels manageable, you can foster a season filled with connection and comfort. Flexibility and compassion—not perfection—make the holidays special. Remember, the memories you build by prioritizing your family’s well-being and finding moments of joy together are far more meaningful than adhering to societal expectations. Focus on what brings your family happiness, and the holiday season can become a celebration of your own design.

Autism Testing and ADHD Testing Near Me

At Zephyr Care, we specialize in comprehensive autism testing and ADHD testing for children, offering a compassionate and neurodiversity-affirming approach. Our evaluations are designed to uncover each child’s unique strengths and challenges, providing clarity for families seeking answers.

Using a combination of standardized assessments, detailed parent input, and behavioral observations, we tailor each evaluation to ensure accuracy and meaningful insights. Understanding whether your child’s behaviors are related to autism, ADHD, or other factors can be a critical first step in creating effective support strategies, both at home and in school.

If your child struggles with sensory sensitivities, social challenges, or maintaining focus, our evaluations provide the foundation for advocating for their needs. Testing is available in-person in Nashville, TN, or virtually in most states. To learn more or schedule an appointment, contact Zephyr Care today.

Author: Heather Joppich, PhD

Dr. Joppich is a Licensed Psychologist and owner of Zephyr Care Mental Health. She specializes in neurodiversity-affirming assessments for autism, ADHD, and mental health concerns.

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Navigating the Holidays as an Autistic Adult: Tips for Managing Stress