Navigating the Holidays as an Autistic Adult: Tips for Managing Stress
The holiday season, spanning Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year's Eve, and other celebrations, often brings joy, but can also pose unique challenges for autistic adults. The blend of sensory overwhelm, shifting routines, and heightened social expectations can make this time particularly difficult. Here’s a neurodiversity-affirming guide to understanding these difficulties and practical strategies to manage them.
Common Holiday Challenges for Autistic Adults: Why Do Autistic People Struggle with the Holidays?
Sensory Overload
Holiday events often involve bright lights, loud music, strong smells, and crowded spaces. For many autistic individuals, this can lead to sensory overwhelm, making it difficult to stay comfortable or focus during gatherings.
Social Expectations
Family dinners, workplace parties, or gatherings with friends may include unspoken social norms or demands for small talk, which can feel exhausting or confusing. Social masking may heighten during these events, leading to burnout.
Disrupted Routines
Holidays often mean changes in schedules, travel, or unexpected downtime. This disruption can be disorienting and lead to increased stress or anxiety.
Pressure to Conform
Feeling obligated to participate in traditional activities, like exchanging gifts, hugging relatives, or attending religious services, can cause discomfort or emotional fatigue.
Masking
Masking, or suppressing autistic traits to blend in socially—can be especially exhausting during the holidays. Increased social gatherings, family expectations, and unfamiliar settings often intensify the pressure to conform. For autistic adults, this constant effort can lead to burnout, heightened anxiety, or even meltdowns after prolonged masking. The holidays often come with expectations to engage in traditions or conversations that may feel overwhelming or unnatural, making it harder to take breaks or be authentic. To reduce this stress, autistic adults can set boundaries, schedule alone time, and communicate their needs to trusted family members or friends to create a more manageable experience.
Food-Related Stress
Food stress during the holidays can be particularly challenging for autistic adults, especially those with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) or other eating disorders. ARFID is a condition often linked to sensory sensitivities, where certain textures, smells, or flavors of food can cause extreme discomfort or anxiety. Holiday meals often include unfamiliar dishes or overwhelming food options, making social gatherings more stressful. This stress can lead to avoidance of events involving food or increased anxiety when expected to eat. Managing this involves planning ahead, bringing safe foods, and setting boundaries about participation in meals to prioritize comfort and wellbeing.
Financial or Time Pressures
The season’s focus on gifts, travel, or hosting can create additional stress. Balancing these obligations with personal needs is often difficult.
Challenges for Autistic Adults with ADHD During the Holidays
Autistic adults with ADHD may face unique challenges during the holiday season as the combination of autism and ADHD, often referred to as AuDHD, amplifies difficulties with sensory, social, and executive functioning demands. The sensory overwhelm of bright lights, crowded spaces, and holiday music can overstimulate the autistic brain, while ADHD can make it harder to filter distractions or regulate responses. Social expectations, like small talk or navigating complex family dynamics, may feel exhausting and anxiety-inducing for AuDHDers, particularly when impulsivity or hyperactivity makes masking harder to sustain.
Additionally, executive dysfunction from ADHD can complicate holiday planning, from managing schedules to remembering gift-giving deadlines or meal prep tasks. This combination can make holidays feel less like a celebration and more like an overwhelming to-do list.
Effective Strategies to Reduce Holiday Stress for Autistic Adults
Create a Sensory Toolkit
Bring items like noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, fidget tools, or weighted blankets to gatherings to manage sensory overwhelm. Identify quiet spaces to retreat when needed.Set Clear Boundaries
Communicate limits with family, friends, or coworkers in advance. For example, let people know how long you’ll stay at an event or explain your preferences around physical contact or conversation topics.Stick to a Routine When Possible
Try to maintain a consistent sleep schedule, meal times, or self-care practices, even when traveling or celebrating. Building in time for downtime or stimming can help manage stress.Prepare for Social Interactions
Plan for potential questions or conversations that might arise, and rehearse how you’d like to respond. If small talk feels draining, consider stepping away for breaks or finding one-on-one conversations.Tip for Managing Masking Stress
Allow yourself breaks from social settings to recharge and return to your authentic self. This might mean stepping outside, finding a quiet room, or planning shorter visits. Practice communicating your needs to trusted family members or friends, letting them know when you need downtime. Remember, it’s okay to say no to activities or expectations that feel overwhelming—your well-being comes first.
Choose the Events That Matter Most
You don’t need to attend every gathering. Prioritize the celebrations that bring joy and decline those that feel overwhelming.Communicate Needs Around Food
If holiday meals don’t accommodate your sensory preferences, bring your own dishes or discuss options with the host. It’s okay to skip foods that don’t feel safe or comfortable.Practice Financial and Emotional Self-Care
Set a budget for gifts and celebrations that aligns with your comfort level. Be kind to yourself if you can’t meet every expectation; your wellbeing comes first.Find Meaningful Alternatives
If traditional celebrations feel draining, create your own rituals. This could mean watching a favorite movie, taking a solo walk, or crafting decorations that bring you joy.
10. Managing ADHD
Managing ADHD and executive functioning challenges involves clear boundaries, pacing activities, and using tools like reminders or checklists to stay organized. Seeking support from trusted friends or family and building in downtime for recovery can also help reduce stress.
Promoting a Neurodiversity-Affirming Holiday Environment
It’s important for families, friends, and workplaces to foster an inclusive environment. Offering sensory-friendly spaces, respecting boundaries, and supporting individualized participation can make a world of difference for autistic adults.
By approaching the holidays with self-compassion, setting boundaries, and honoring your unique needs, you can navigate the season in a way that feels fulfilling and manageable. Be mindful of your energy levels, and prioritize activities that bring you joy or comfort while saying "no" to situations that feel draining. Surround yourself with understanding people who respect your limits and choices. If the holiday season continues to feel overwhelming, consider seeking support from a neurodiversity-affirming therapist or coach. Professional guidance can provide tailored strategies to manage holiday stress, create meaningful routines, and help you feel more grounded during this often challenging time.
Where Can I Find Adult Autism Testing Near Me?
Zephyr Care specializes in comprehensive adult autism testing and adult ADHD testing. We also provide testing for autism and ADHD for children. Our neurodiversity-affirming assessments help individuals better understand their unique needs, including identifying co-occurring challenges like sensory sensitivities or executive functioning difficulties. This information can empower you to advocate for accommodations in various settings, such as holiday gathering, and improve overall quality of life. Testing is available both in-person in Nashville, TN, and virtually for individuals in most states. To schedule an evaluation, contact Zephyr Care and start your journey toward understanding and support.
Author: Heather Joppich, PhD
Dr. Joppich is a Licensed Psychologist and owner of Zephyr Care Mental Health. She specializes in neurodiversity-affirming assessments for autism, ADHD, and mental health concerns.
